I thought I knew what stupid is.

Dear readers, lovers of specsucks, and despisers of the spec (If you do not fall into one of those categories please leave now),

In my stupid “core” class I was forced to talk about what people think is smart, but I would rather work out my core, lol.  I thought that stupid was stupid but it was not more.  Instead I surprised myself and realized that I did not realize how stupid stupid is.

Today I looked at the floor in the bathroom, and I saw a news paper that did not look like the spec. at the top it said “SPORTSMONDAY” and I was happy because I thought there was a new newspaper that was not spec, because IT DID NOT SAY SPEC ANYWHERE.  I cannot believe spec would try to decieve you so if you look at the back of the news paper it does not look like the spec so you do not know to avoid it.  But they fooled me!  How lame!

So I started to read about sports, which I like more than stupid articles about veterinarians. So I started to read an article which did not look stupid.  It was called “NCAA should work to satisfy religious needs” which I agree because I have religious needs that columbia tries to keep me down.  I thought maybe it could be stupid but I did not comprehend that there is a level of stupidity beyond stupid!

I am starting to read

Being the picky eater that I am, keeping kosher for Passover was never all that easy for me.

Okay you are not stupid yet.

I did it for a year or two as a teenager, but the stint was short lived

And that was when I knew that I was reading the spec.  What sort of idiot are you?  You did it one or two years?  So you are saying you can’t remember if you did it once or twice? What sort of retarded memory do you have?  When people ask you not to double dip, do you freak out because you can’t remember if you’ve already dipped?  Do you forget if you have one or two hands?   Do you regularly pay twice for you meals because you can’t distinguish 2 from 1?

Then she goes on to tell us

I was a runner throughout high school and had a particularly sluggish workout one day.

OH SHIT, HOLD THE PRESSES, SHE HAD A SLUGGISH WORKOUT ONE DAY!

The obvious cause was that I hadn’t been eating well for a few days since Passover had begun.

Why didn’t you tell us that in the first placE?!?!?  So I guess this is not a mystery after all you noob.

Then the spec says

Keeping kosher for Passover or attending a Seder instead of scheduled practice aren’t World Series- or Yom Kippur-level decisions…

Okay, wow spec, you are pathetic.  Your level of grammar and style is as bad as a dumb cow.  I would like to point out that I copied that quote EXACTLY, including the spaces.  Spec you idiots…first of all, keeping kosher or attending a seder isn’t a world World Series level decision.  If both items in the or-phrase are singular, then you use a singular predicate.  Second of all, you are doing a pathetic job of passing off a hyphen as a dash… twice in a row, and with incorrect spacing at that.  Maybe if your editors weren’t a bunch of monkeys pounding at a key board you would have caught these glaring mistakes.  And do not try to call me a hipocrite you idiots I AM NOT A NEWS PAPER I can write whatever I right you are the ones who have to worry about your stupid hipster grammar.

Then the article continues in incompetence…

I am unable to survey all Jewish student athletes over the weekend—sorry to disappoint—but my guess is that, for the vast majority, keeping kosher for Passover is unrealistic.

So wait, you are joking about your failure to uphold the power of journalism and inspect the student atheletes? and instead you substitute your stupid guess???  I could make a better guess:  my guess is that, for the vast majority, keeping beanie babies as an investment is unrealistic.  See, my prediction is probably more accurate.  Well, at least spec used dashes correctly here…

So I am still hopeful.  This post is more retarded than a camel with bad breath, but I am thinking “maybe there will be an answer to the title about NCAAA to satisfy religious needs.  I would like to no longer be oppressed for my religious beliefs at columbia by the athiests.

So I read

What’s the solution? Unfortunately, I don’t think there is one.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!!?!?!?!? THIS IS WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT I DID NOT KNOW THAT SUCH STUPID IS POSSIBLE I THOUGHT IT ONLY EXISTED IN STUPID DEAD PEOPLES BOOKS WHO THOUGHT THAT WOMEN HAVE LESS TEETH THEN MEN.  NOW I UNDERSTAND HOW THE SPEC CAN SUCK YOUR SOUL AND DESTROY YOUR WILL TO LIVE.  Your entire news paper is pointless spec.  GIVE UP.  You will lose the battle.

LONG LIVE SPECT-HATERS!!!!

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6 Responses to “I thought I knew what stupid is.”

  1. Really Confused Says:

    I am really curious about why you do this. What happened to make you hate a school newspaper so much that you take time out of your day to write this crap? Did you get denied a position or did a writer make fun of you or something?

    • Thank you for commenting I am glad you are polite unlike the spec puppets who post here to attack me. I have said many times that I do not want anybody who is a PINKO to read my blog (that is Parasite Infecting Naive KOllege Students), but if you are neutral then it is okay for you to read and make up your mind. Even I did not immediately realize how bad spec is. So it is okay that you are still unsure. If you keep reading the blog you can let the reality sink in, and you will come to understand why i am so passionate about the spec.

  2. Leroy Jenkins Says:

    It’s funny you mention this becAuse ever since I stArted to read the spec I got badder at english because I would pick up there bad habits and ever since I stopped I continue to be worse then I useta b because I useta read spec

  3. just so happens the spec DOES suck. My friends and I have contributed opinion pieces and the editing process is idiotic to say the least. There’s no direction or policy, just the whims of the students who happen to be in that position over the semester. Moreover, there are always hardcopy grammatical/spelling mistakes that were nonexistent in the manuscript.

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