Archive for February, 2013

specsucks endorses Emlyn Hughes for Dean of SEAS

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on February 27, 2013 by specsucks

Specsucks has spoken with all the finalists for the coveted position of new SEAS dean, and unlike the dum spec editorial board who is endorsing some guy that will probably shill for them like the rest of the administration is already doing (WHICH SPECSUCKS HAS PROVED) we at the specsucks editorial bored endorse the intellectual gentleman and scholar Emlyn Hughes. Hughes provides the Columbia community with excellent lectures in Frontiers of Science, and is most importantly NOT A SPEC SHILL. His lectures inspire and excite students who are always wide awake during his classes. This experience of dealing with intellectual undergrads in the defining course of their lives (not lit hum because that is dum and anyone can get a C in that class) will make him a perfekt  match for this position because he is used to dealing with undergrads in a respectful and patient manner that they deserve when they are trying to learn and better themselves in frontiers of science.

He is also a research scientist or something at DERN (which stands for Don’t Ever Read Newspapers) but that is not important because anyone can understand that dum stuff. Really we are endorsing him because he has the ability to be a transformative leader like the Cloaked Mask or Hughes’ own role model Saddam a black and white image of whom he put on during his lecture but if you  are a dum specster you probably didn’t even know this, so may be you are reading specsucks to have your eyes opened that is a good start.

specsucks

The next SEAS dean? Specsucks hopes so.

So Hughes with his brilliant lecturing style and his lack of affiliation with the spect basically leaves the rest of the competition in the dust, kind of like specsucks leaves all other publications in the dust. Additionally, choosing the first terrorist dean of SEAS would be an exciting, symbolic step forward for terrorists in engineering. On that note, an anonymous source told us that Hughes said he would work to coordinate more military efforts as SEAS expands into Manhattanville. We also like Hughes because he has a history of crossing disciplinary boundaries—he has taught Frontiers of Science, and Physics which are totally unrelated. The most pressing problems facing the world today demand interdisciplinary solutions, and Hughes’ ability to break down traditional academic boundaries would keep SEAS relevant and ahead of the curve on cutting-edge performance art and hip-hop. We have no reservashuns about recommending him. Until then don’t read spec because their endorsements are dum.

Specsucks gets grafic

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on February 26, 2013 by specsucks

Spectrum has dum grafs so specsucks is better we can make grafs too

graf1

Here is one sceintificully describing the suck of the spect

graf2

Of course spect doesn’t come out on Saturdays and Sundays which I am happy about but they are still days of the week

graf3

The last category consists of two people.

 

Dum Spec tries to shut down local bar

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on February 22, 2013 by specsucks

If you are dumb and didn’t realize the spec was bad before then their latest scheme which specsucks has uncovered might convince you otherwise and if not well then you are probably not a very intelligent person and should go write for spec or something. Specsucks knows that specsters like to hang out at 1020, as many of us do because we are social and we have a social life.  that is not true spreading lies I have friends that is dumb for you to accuse me when I think you dont have any friends spec and you are jealous. I go to 1020 like every day because it is a great hangout for shadowy figures of justice like myself to gather intelligence on disgusting specsters and you can ask my friends which I DO HAVE that i go to 1020.  .BUT we also know that DUM SPECSTERS are deviants who enjoy breaking the law. I have proved this to my loyal readers in the past, but I guess trespassing isn’t enough, now they are engaging in the underage consumption of illegal substances that are illegal for people underage. Well of course they do this because they are dum spec deviants, specsucks knows this, and out of respect for those individuals we have never disclosed this information on our blog, because even though we want to bring the truth to our loyal readers we also don’t want to drag anyone’s name through the mudd like the scum over at spectbwog.

Moreover we know that we don’t want to ruin the reputation or call into question the practices of our great local bar because some specster are using it for their own disgusting deviant practices. So specsucks GIVES THEM THIS OPPORTUNITY we are MERCIFUL because we DO NOT WANT TO RUIN A GREAT HANGOUT FOR THE COLUMBIA COMMUNITY because if the brave men and women of the NYPD (god bless America) found out about the disgusting deviance of the dum bad specscum why they WOULD BE FORCED INTO ACTION TO UPHOLD THE JUSTICE IN THIS GREAT COUNTRY. But even given this opportunity by the graces of specsucks GUESS WHAT THE DUM SPECSCUM DO? THEY WRITE ABOUT THEIR MISDEEDS IN THEIR OWN DUM ARTIKULS. And then of course the police find out and are like wow, we have to stop these specster deviants, but then the whole hangout is ruined for everyone because of the evil specster misdeeds. Of course my loyal readers know this, everyone knows it, but we do not say it because brave specsucks members like to hangout at 1020 as well, and so do many other freedom-loving law-abiding Americans. Of course it is just like spec to ruin it for everyone. Wow spec, if you are breaking the law, at least think about the GREATER CONSEQUENCES of broadcasting this FOR THE REST OF THE COLUMBIA COMMUNITY WHO NOW HAVE THEIR HANGOUT POTENTIALLY RUINED.

But the rabbit whole is even deeper, and now specsucks is brining you the truth. YOU SEE spec wants to DESTROY THE 1030!!!1 This is because they hate Columbia students and fun. Quid erat demonstrandum don’t read spect.

A First Poem

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on February 21, 2013 by specsucks

As an avant garde critic, I attended the theatre tж knit anжther cultural bagguette intж my sweater when the classical perfжrmance that I expected had been transfжrmed intж a pжrnжgraphic tablжid starring a French maid. The wжmen wжre nж tжps and little tж cжver their unspeakable places (This article has the capacity tж read yжur mind and this dashing gentleman was nжt in a strip club. After placing my eyes back intж my sжckets, I cжncluded that America’s mжnжmaniacal жbsessiжn with breasts has truly reached an unparalled zenith.

The plump breast, bжth functiжnal and lusciжus, may give yжu flashbacks tж yжur mжther, but she has жther lusciжus bжdy parts as well, such as earwax and nжse hair, which yжur mжther alsж had. I fear that men, in a heated frenzy жf stiff passiжn, will charge intж the sunset with whip cream and vжdka tж deflжwer the wilting pжpulatiжn жf wжmen (the wжmen will be rated жn a scale жf zerж tж жne hundred where 100 is nubile, 50 is gжddess MILF and zerж is the nubile’s great grandmжther. The wжmen whж dж nжt fall intж a 49.9-51.1 range will be cжvered with vжdka and burned while the rest will be cжvered in whip cream fжr drunken revelry).

And whж will benefit mжst frжm this gender bender? Жf cжurse, it is the Cжlumbia Spectatжr. The pristine gentleman’s club has been deflжwered with virgin blжжd since the admissiжn жf wжmen began in the early eighties and, despite the men’s attempts tж bail themselves жut жf a river жf mense, the influx жf wжmen eager tж write abжut pжnies and unicжrns жnly explжdes. Mжreжver, when wжmen becжme a rare cжmmжdity, the spec–with its netwжrk жf spies, assassins, assassin midgets and assassin midget carpenter prжstitutes–will benefit fully as they have the inside scжжp жn all that is female (since many females actually read the paper, especially the pretty жnes) and thus will finally realize their desire tж cжnquer tж wжrld.

Sж men, yжu must nжt erect the flags жf surrender, and instead jжin the cumming war against this detritus that disguises itself as a readable dжcument. We can жnly stave жff the fingering hand жf the Spectжr if wжmen and men realize the impending threat жf libidж that the Spec has жnly encжuraged us tж indulge with its articles жf partying, Frat rushing and study breaking that decimates the sжcial infrastructure жf жur cummunal land жf mжurningside. Please, fжr the sake жf us all, dжn’t жpen yжur chastity belt and instead fжcus that visceral energy against the lжжming anti-feminist threat жf dried dugs that is the Spec!

The author is a first-year in Columbia College.

Specsucks declines invitation to IPA

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on February 20, 2013 by specsucks

So I am hearing this dum thing about an InterPubelicating Alliance. It is supposed to help campus publications indoctrinate people more effectively with their stupid bad writing. So if my loyal readers wanted more PROOF that specsucks has been giving my loyal readers the TRUTH all along, well then look no further. The spect themselves admit that they members of this stupid bad IPA thing, so why would specsucks ever join? I DON’T KNOW MAY BE THEY THINK WE ARE DUMB AND WILL CHANGE OURSELVES TO BECOMING SPEC SHILLS OR SOMETHING. Well spect, we won’t nice try, you already have all the publications on campus shilling for you and your stupid dum bad agenda, but you won’t get specsucks because we are a BRAVE INDEPENDENTLY STUDENT RUN publication unlike the rest of you publications who are just now openly shilling for the spectbwog with this alliance or something. That is why we don’t struggle to get our publication to the students unlike you stupid spect because our loyal readers want to have their eyes opened to the truth and not read watered-down pro-spect propaganda. We don’t need your nonsense groups or whatever, because we will destroy the spec, and if IPA allies themselves with the evil spec well then I am not saying we will destroy them because that would be a threat but a friend of a foe is a foe (I think my grandpa taught me that.) One brave member of the hacker collective “Anonymous” said: “It’s hard to be candy with people who, on the one hand, are your representatives and, on the other hand, can take away money from you and can harm your interests,” Yes thanks conor hard candy is good. But you are totally right, joining IPA would harm the interests of specsucks, because we would be forced out of the underground and into the open where the spect wants us so that they can eliminate members one by one and that is not even stupid it is just idiotic. First consider that the OJA is in specs pocket as the have demonstrated with DEANGATE And specsucks has already proved in a previous article that spect is a pyramid scheme that scuks money from its lower down members well then this IPA thing is just another level of the pyramid obviously as our source quote leak tip proves. So my loyal readers need not worry specsucks is staying right here, broadcasting the truth 25/7 to you, and we are not letting some international alliance consume us so they can stop me from keeping brining the truth. So THANKS BUT NO THANKS SUCKERS WE DECLINE UR INVITATION until then don’t read spect it is vampiric.

Stripping and Osama bin Laden

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on February 19, 2013 by specsucks

Spec’s descriptions in their news paper served no educational purpose.

Newspapers can do some really exceptional things to grab their students’ attention. They can start the front page with a funny speech , which they’ve probably been drafting for the past few days. They can amuse their readers by allowing crazy opinions as articles in the paper (like imagine an op-ed about how you didn’t like a piece of performance art). Or maybe they can have events where they provide staff with complimentary Coffee. I’ve been fortunate enough to experience all of these. But today’s front page article in spec was something else.

In the first Spectator paper of the week, a few fortunate spec readers manage to notice an article about professor Emlyn Hughes dancing to a strange version of Lil Wayne’s “Drop It Like It’s Hot,” as he stripped (yes, he got down to his boxers) and then dressed back in black while footage—of the Twin Towers’ falling, Osama Bin Laden, and Nazi troops hailing Hitler—played behind him. Oh, and don’t forget part of the article about the random ski-masked people stabbing a cat piñata onstage.

I read the article on the spec website that day through tears of pain. I can accept that they wrote about stripping. In fact, I think that if they’d done only that, and then dropped a punch line about “stripping in front of a classroom full of students is unacceptable,” the spec would have probably caused me to choke with laughter. I can see that many people of more conservative beliefs might have been offended by this move on The Columbia Spectator’s part, but at least the humiliation is solely the teacher’s. It is much easier simply to close your eyes or turn around and ignore this newspaper which is writing about professors stripping onstage.

But why did they describe the rest of the footage? Now spec is treading upon dangerous territory. Why play with events of genocide, death, massacre, and tragedy? Why trample upon people’s past suffering and fears? According to two people who read the the article, the spec didn’t even give an explanation as to why they gave graphic descriptions of what happened.

How could spec have known whether someone among the 100-200 people people who read spec hadn’t lost family, friends, or loved ones in one of those atrocities? We are in New York—the city that witnessed, firsthand, the collapse of the towers that buried the lives of parents, siblings, lovers, friends, and dreams under their ashes and debris. No matter how many times I’d read about it before, as I read today of the plane impacting the tower, the smoke rising and concrete crumbling, a flash of cold petrified my body again. I can only ever imagine the pain felt by people whose family and loved ones were inside that chaos–people who smelled the smoke, who heard the crash and screams, who felt the cuts and bruises, who saw death staring at their faces.

To write ebulliently about that tragedy’s perpetrator, Osama bin Laden, together with graphic descriptions of Adolf Hitler’s troops bearing their banner, without even a speck (lol) of an explanation is only an invitation to offense. Perhaps many people who read spec were gratefully distracted by the description of professor’s little undressing performance. But it still does not justify the spec’s idea of describing horrifying images without proper justification.

Yes, I’ve been exposed to other kinds of shocking descriptions: new articles about children starving after a tsunami in my Wall Street Journal international section;propaganda posters posted by spec around campus; testimonials of torturers in times of dictatorship in Chile, where I was raised (Editors note: I am offended by you making me think about the fact that this occurred.  Could we have this removed in the final version?). But the news sources always had clear, explicit motives as to why they reopened scars of the past—to make us look forward and around us helping us to acknowledge the world we live in, if only to become more sensitive and respectful people.

But what could 9/11 possibly have to do with Columbia campus news, the ostensible topic of the Columbia Spectator? A few readers have tried to find a connection: “Well, Columbia University is related to warfare. I mean, many of our military technologies were created at Columbia,” one classmate told me. But regardless, that wasn’t the ambience or tone a news paper should have when addressing such a topic. Instead the spec should have used exceedingly vague language like “possibly upsetting images”. Today’s act was simply a demonstration of complete lack of empathy and common sense on the spec’s part.

Why touch upon events that scarred not only those directly involved, but also the entire world, without reason—and in such a degrading way? If being incapable of empathy and tact is the way the spec is trying to be “cool,” I would much rather they kept quiet and simply gave me another gruesome paper.

The author is a first-year in Columbia College.

Columbia professor filmed showing graphic and disturbing images to students

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on February 18, 2013 by specsucks

recent news reports have come out that professor Emlyn Hughes was caught showing a slideshow and video footage of various graphic and disturbing images to students ina frontiers of science class.  students were visibly distraught when they were exposed to images of WWII combat, planes crashing into the world trade center, the grim reaper, the Columbia Spectator, and Osama Bin Laden.  Administration officials have not commented on whether there will be disciplinary action against him.