specsucks endorses Emlyn Hughes for Dean of SEAS

Specsucks has spoken with all the finalists for the coveted position of new SEAS dean, and unlike the dum spec editorial board who is endorsing some guy that will probably shill for them like the rest of the administration is already doing (WHICH SPECSUCKS HAS PROVED) we at the specsucks editorial bored endorse the intellectual gentleman and scholar Emlyn Hughes. Hughes provides the Columbia community with excellent lectures in Frontiers of Science, and is most importantly NOT A SPEC SHILL. His lectures inspire and excite students who are always wide awake during his classes. This experience of dealing with intellectual undergrads in the defining course of their lives (not lit hum because that is dum and anyone can get a C in that class) will make him a perfekt  match for this position because he is used to dealing with undergrads in a respectful and patient manner that they deserve when they are trying to learn and better themselves in frontiers of science.

He is also a research scientist or something at DERN (which stands for Don’t Ever Read Newspapers) but that is not important because anyone can understand that dum stuff. Really we are endorsing him because he has the ability to be a transformative leader like the Cloaked Mask or Hughes’ own role model Saddam a black and white image of whom he put on during his lecture but if you  are a dum specster you probably didn’t even know this, so may be you are reading specsucks to have your eyes opened that is a good start.


The next SEAS dean? Specsucks hopes so.

So Hughes with his brilliant lecturing style and his lack of affiliation with the spect basically leaves the rest of the competition in the dust, kind of like specsucks leaves all other publications in the dust. Additionally, choosing the first terrorist dean of SEAS would be an exciting, symbolic step forward for terrorists in engineering. On that note, an anonymous source told us that Hughes said he would work to coordinate more military efforts as SEAS expands into Manhattanville. We also like Hughes because he has a history of crossing disciplinary boundaries—he has taught Frontiers of Science, and Physics which are totally unrelated. The most pressing problems facing the world today demand interdisciplinary solutions, and Hughes’ ability to break down traditional academic boundaries would keep SEAS relevant and ahead of the curve on cutting-edge performance art and hip-hop. We have no reservashuns about recommending him. Until then don’t read spec because their endorsements are dum.

3 Responses to “specsucks endorses Emlyn Hughes for Dean of SEAS”

  1. The Dark Cub Says:

    I think we shud be clear dat this was ritten by the specsucks editorial bored…all 15 of us.

  2. Leroy Jenkins Says:

    I think the last two comments are a great insight into how secret and not leaked specsucks is. The dark hand, director of copy editor, doesn’t even know the editorial bored. Stupid spec lets everyone know who holds their different positions making it easy to bring them down.

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