COLUMBIA SECRETS REVEALED

now many of you probably saw a video of kevin shollenburger eating nutella and thought “haha” but if you did you missed the point in fact there is MORE information to be extracted from that video, and we can prove it:

first watch this video and see if you notice any thing

seems normal huh? WRONG. take a look at the beginning of the video.  here, i’ll circle it for you

frame1

you can see a document CONSPICUOUSLY PLACED ON HIS DESK, which means he was reading it recently, a timing which will later be given significance.  We can later see the document in even CLOSER DETAIL

frame2

which clearly shows that out of THREE documents it is the SECOND to the left, and is in the FIRST row of documents he has laid out.   while stupid spec scum are anticipationg the dean to turn around they MISS the document which is clearly visible for several frames of the video

frame3

IN FACT. this video has enough frames of the document that our HIGH TECH HACKING SKILLS can transform them to look normal.  For example here are two example frames we have analyzed.

transformed1

transformed2

Here was can already see the documents aligning up.  we can then further analyze the documents by zooming in on the portion of interest

final1

final2

from which we get images from different perspectives which we can combine.  We can also pass them through filters to extract additional relevant information about the document.

filtered1

3d1Then, by transforming all 143 frames of the video where the document is visible, we were able to get axis-aligned images, which allow us to digitally stitch them together and re synthesize a super-resolution image.  Automatic alignment was too unstable in this case, so we had low level staffers manually align the images.  After filtering the output image, we can arrive at a reconstructed document, where text is almost visible:

document match

and we align it with one of the sample frames, showing the match.  We have then transcribed the text by hand

On Macklemore’s cancellation

It is advisable in light of recent misunderstandings concerning Macklemore’s involvement in the event, to remain “tight-lipped” on bacchanal for now.

The foremost concern for Student Affairs is the need to maintain a good public image and especially to uphold a positive university image in light of recent implicated controversies with administration favoritism towards publication higher-ups. Our input in the bacchanal decision will not appear as an affirmation if spun appropriately, especially on an administrative level.

As you know, the Blue and White online component, Bwog, published the decision regarding Macklemore’s performance recently.

Comment sections indicate a general reaction of disappointment and disbelief.

In this sensitive atmosphere, it is best if we stay hushed on the matter, especially concerning our involvement in the annual student event. Of course the primary concern is keeping public disclosure on the topic to minimum.

We have taken a number of steps :

First, we have begun contacting affiliated campus publications. The editor-in-chief of The Columbia Spectator promises us not to publish on the issue, and similar negotiations are in the works. .I still think that you should send out a general email telling all administrative employees to make no mention of the matter until a next headliner is found as such accidental revelations

WHICH SHOWS PROOF THAT SPECTBWOG IS COLLABORATING WITH THE ADMINISTRATION TO COVER UP THE TRUTH. you will not get this news anywhere else nobody else has the exclusive leak!!  SPECSUCKS is the only ones standing up for justice!  We are the only ones with the truth, and the breaking news!

but wait we can also see another secret message in the video.  Take a look at the last frame of the video.  We have highlighted the important parts, so you wont get distracted

frame4

that is right, perfectly aligned with the frame of the window view we can see four vertical windows aligned perfectly on their axis, an equal number as the number of corners in the windows and on the TOP three we see an airconditioner visible in EACH of the windows, following the pattern bottom-left, top-right, bottom-right top-left, BUT THE LAST ONE IS MISSING.  This is a *disruption* of the pattern which was intentionally put there to demonstrate a disruption of the order if we make alignments between spect, bwog,deans, and specsucsk, we see specsucks is the bottom supporting the others with the weight of our work, yet they are sending the message that WE ARE MISSING. this is an over act of agression in an attempt to silently signal those in the know but we have intercepted to see that they will not disrupt the harmony order of the four points whether aligned vertically in a linear procession or stacked symmetrically in an even cross formation with the four points spectbwog connecting to form the crosspiece and deans at the top with specsucks on the bottom supporting the heirarchy a symbol which pervades our cultural icon graph which images to have secret meaning.  The obvious obfuscation is a paradox on its own an attempt to send a message while obscuring it from the eyes of the blind to which we have REVEALED the truth of both campus deception on fact-paper but also symbol-abstract space through the positioning of subconscious messenger.s

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3 Responses to “COLUMBIA SECRETS REVEALED”

  1. The Dark Hand Says:

    It is disappointing to me that kevsho needs to be stopped as well but justice does not come easy

  2. #specsucksforever Says:

    Number of deans taken down: 3.

  3. Leroy Jenkins Says:

    Specsucks is the only news source that i read because it is the only one that i can come to knowing i will read the truth. It is reliable and stands for good things like justice. GO SPECSUCKS!

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