once again Floyd Mayweather has called out little bitch manny pacquaio for being scared to fight him just like i always said Mayweather would beat him to a pulp. #1 boxer of all time vs wanna be has been…. you know who wins.
On february 16th, our nation will celebrate The Day of the Shining Star, a federal holiday (in North Korea) commemorating Glorious Leader Kim Jung-Il’s birthday that often seems to be of particular controversy at Columbia (which is ironic, of course, because it is not actually ironic). However, a contrarian spirit—that desire to question and critique things which others accept wholesale—is one of Columbia’s most endearing values, and it still applies to The Day of the Shining Star. Discussing and debating Kim’s birthday often includes both analysis of the man himself and of what he signified as a Korean in the Brave New World.
The problem, however, arises when disagreement with the celebration of Glorious Leader Kim Jung-Il takes the form of closed-minded protests and provocative demonstrations, such as the anti-Shining Star “die-ins” last year, or the South Korean Student Association’s repeated calls to “take back the north” (which seems to be dog-whistle for “North Korea’s existence is contemporarily illegitimate”). Public protest is as valuable a social tool today as it was for Dr. Mohandas Gandhi or Martin Luther King, Jr., or Kim Il-Sung, but remaining cognizant of its limitations in a setting as necessarily committed to academics as a university is essential.
One such limitation is exemplified well by the literally (Ed: Figuratively?) indelible ink or paint used to prepare a protest picket sign—a picket sign, and more importantly the ideas it can present, do not and cannot evolve through the course of the protest. Unlike my views which always evolve over the course of any given day (hopefully I can finish this essay before my views evolve again and I have to rewrite this! I once spent 4 days writing 17 different versions of an essay for CC because it took more than 5 hours to write, which is way too long for my views to stay the same).
The fruitful evolution of an idea (like the fruitful evolution of a banana in the hands of our lord), political or not, always requires an interlocutor—some person or persons with which the idea can be discussed, debated, and hopefully improved. To us, the question of whether Colombia cancels classes for the holiday is not nearly as important as whether our community members take it upon themselves to address issues in such a dignified way such as writing an essay defending the legacy of Kim Jung-Il, for example, hypothetically.
Looking back on the historical role of figures like Kim Jung-Il is always challenging; how we choose to remember the past with nuance and accuracy is difficult but necessary. One cannot deny that the death camps set up by Kim Jung-Il and his predecessors led to much suffering and death for the peninsula’s indigenous peoples, whether by disease or torture/genocide which could be instigated by either side, who really knows who started it?
But to look back and see only such negative consequences is an insufficiently narrow perspective; one must also be willing to consider the positive effects of Kim Jung-Il. For example, the drive to imprison political opposition led to horrible concentration camps, but the consequential death of many of those in the camp would later lead to a reduction in the number of people subject to such horrible conditions. And who wouldn’t support less people being placed in death-camps? Additionally, this has also helped nations like Britain to stay on their high horse while simultaneously bombing civilians by comparing their civil rights record to that of N. Korea. Let us take a moment to applaud the purely moral and ethical nature of the British.
Our point here is not that the relative prosperity and quality of life we see in much of the leadership of North Korea absolves Kim Jung-Il of any malice or inhumane acts, but like honestly, if you unwind our argument and smudge off the bullshit, that’s essentially what we’re saying. With that being said, we argue that a comprehensive, civilized, and sincere academic discussion of such issues should be embraced by both the Columbia and national communities. BWAHAHAHaha JK we just like being meta-contrarian. Fuck you all. Seriously fuck you.
It is oversimplifying and unintellectual to categorically mark Kim Jung-Il as a “good” or “evil” man in the history of our glorious nation and our world—no historical figure is without flaws of character or action, and indeed the morality of some of Kim Jung Il’s actions and judgments are questionable at the least. But what can we as a society expect from a man of the 20th century? Must we discount all historical figures who come from before an arbitrary date of acceptable social norms? (Ed: unclear what the arbitrary date is. 1942?)
SPECSUCKSSSS firmly believes that Glorious Leader Kim Jung-Il’s Day of the Shining Star is a holiday worth embracing not primarily as a day for provocative demonstrations, but as a day to remind us of the need for serious and level-headed dialogue on the topic of European colonialism. Yes. Serious and level headed. I actually just implied that this essay is serious and level headed. Eat my shit.
But Kim Jung-Il was not just a dictator—he was the greatest golfer to ever live, golfing the world around him not unlike how we students are encouraged to hit a “hole in one” in all manner of subjects, academic and otherwise. His brave act of building nukes in the face of international opposition finally led to the creation of this flash game being what it is today. All things considered, we think that is definitely something worth celebrating.
The author is a General Studies senior majoring in nothing in particular. He is the Director of Operations for the Columbia University Korean Communists. This piece was written on behalf of CUKC. To see other pieces from this Scope, log on to http://www.666gamers.com and play all 13 levels of “Kill Kim Jong-il”.
ok so i have taken this guy down before (http://specsucks.wordpress.com/2012/10/27/uugghhh-dumb-spec-writing-is-so-dumb/) but obviously he didn’t get the message so it’s time to hit em with the uppercut like floyd mayweather in his 2012 fight against miguel cotto whihc was also two years ago, kind of like the first time i took down this british guy (i am not racist btw.)
“As it prepares to travel to face Brown on Saturday for its opening Ivy League game, Columbia men’s soccer can reflect upon a season that has so far proved both testing and enlightening.”
“On-field performances have oscillated from one game to the next. “
“In their season opener, the Lions came out swinging and unexpectedly beat Michigan, 3-0. On that balmy September afternoon, the sky seemed the limit for a Lions side that showed a robust backline and a clinical, counter-attacking style.”
“However, following the Michigan game, Columbia slumped to defeats against Marist, Quinnipiac, and most recently, Iona. Recurrent problems—slow starts and a lack of a consistent goal-scoring threat among them—have dogged the Lions.”
“The Lions can take some solace from Brown’s recent run of results. The Bears have not won a game since Sept. 14th and have failed to score in their last three. Their lack of attacking bite, coupled with an over-reliance on goalkeeper Mitch Kupstas, gives the Lions a chance to take the initiative and try to put their season, yet again, back on track.”
I certainly hope their season gets more on track than this article.
But what if it is all misdirection? Well peopel say you can use statistics to prove anything, so there’s a point I think we’re missing. We have crossed many liens in search of change so what remains? what stones are still unturned? How many people has spect murdered? Specsucks DEMANDS THAT THE DATA IS RELEASED.
I retiaret We at specsucks demand that the statistics of spec are relaeased to the public. Until then we will never rest. No metaphorical door will remain unlocked. When will the people wake up? Are all of these questiosn rhetorical? Who is asking what? talking in ciricles? Specsucks will never beg for mercy. We will never surrender until the data of spec has been released. We do not decline to identify spec as the target of our investigation. We do not accept responsbality for what spec has wrought, we are all victims of speck.
So far the stats speak for themselves. Specsucks protects our privacy not spec that is why we are naonyumous and spec puts names in their artikls. Spec has been found guilty ZERO times…that is suspect. Specsucks is the blog that stands for truth and transparency helping the people know what spec is doing, how many innocents they have tortured and killed nonconsensually behind closed doors? All of this data is mising form the public record under the guise of pricacy. Who is columbia really protecting? the oppressors or the victims. This is all just food for thought , my dear reader, it is for you to decide i am not saying spec is guilty but i am just thiniing critically. What are they hiding?
ok so you may no that the eye magazine is now all digital for our bright new future.
When I was reading my paper copy of the columbia spectator, i leaned back from my vomit bucket to notice an article that caught my attention. “
now that’s actually a good idea i thought to myself classily. cloth banners wear out, are stolen, and impermanent, like the tenure of the spectator staff. What better way to remedy these weaknesses then with a concrete banner. A concrete banner is rock hard (literally), impossible to destroy, sturdy, and stands for american values. I didn’t read the article but I spent the next few hours contemplating the possibilities.
many of you know the ssol.columbia.edu it is a normal website for registering for classes and photoshopping pictures of your grades to show your parents. That is what I thought too until one fateful afternoon. It was dark out and i was by my candlelight browsing for epic memes when it became late so I was tired. i could have gone to bed and that would be that i wouldn’t be here today talking to you, but that was not what happened. instead i decided that i would check on my GPA. now many of you of course are thinking yes that is totally reasonable and you have no reason to be fearful. But you are wrong.
as I thumped heartily upon the keystrokes of my keyboard, my tired brain decided to play a trick on me, and while I subjectively experienced but two s key taps, instead a third was serendipitously entered. in my delusional state I did not notice as I hit the enter key with the force of a thousand suns. As the university login page pulled up, i thought something was amiss. My intrepid reporting sense was ringing off the hook. I typed in my usual credentials but instead of logging me in it instead popped up a screen with a HUGE FLAMING DEMON FACE saying “go away”. I clutched my poster of bruno mars tighter. I clicked the x on the demon face but the demon only laughed. Truly this was the height of terror. suddenly i realized: this wasn’t ssol. this was SSSOL and i was in for a ride. The demon laughed at me, his maw gaping in horror. There was nothing I could do, and I was considering calling CUIT before i noticed a faint outline in the demons mouth. As he opened his mouth further it materialized into view: it was a login form, but for some SHADOWY ORGANIZATION. i sat and contemplated. if i logged in then maybe it would serripitously cancel my columbia health insurance waiver. or perhaps all my bank account would be transfered to someone else. there was no knowing what they could do. So of course as a intrepid fucking reporter i hatched a plan. I pulled out my list of spec staff login credentials. I started at the top. Abrams? Lau? no, too obvious…. I scrolled down my list further. Salazar. The perfect mark. Powerful enough to bring shame to the spec community, but lowly enough that nobody would believe him. After all, it’s hard to be taken seriously when you’re the arts and entertainment guy. Sort of like the frothy foam on top of the meaty carcass of intrepid reporting. I took a moment to pat myself on the back. I’d really outdone myself. I copied the information from my plaid notebook… djs2199… ilovecolumbia…the demons eyes quivered in pleasure as I entered each character emphatically (ED: the original password has been modified to protect the users identity. It originally contained a digit at the end). as I entered the final digit, the demons mouth closed around me, and I was entered into the cavern. I could faintly make out the outline of various illegal activities and scandals in the dim light of the cave (ED: this metaphor is slightly confusing). I lurched forwards towards a tab labelled “spec finances” accompanied by a GIF of a dancing baby. i hovered my mouse over the mousepad, and then clicked. I strained my eyes as the pages and pages of 4 pt font cleverly designed to hide their finances from prying eyes loaded and prepared my zoom key. but just as the last page loaded. my screen turned dark with terror, and a sudden flash of blackness meant I lost all power. NOOOOOOOO!!! I cried out into the darkness. I removed my hood to see better. it was a power outage….. or somethign more sinister. I slept by candlelight.
by the next day the trauma had not worn off. I rushed to the university campus library for students, and i slammed on the keys. S S S O L D O T C O L U M B I A D O T E D U. I was smashed in the face by a 404 error. They were on to me. The gig is up. well, when you’re as intrepid and journalisty as I am, you’ve had quite a few gigs be up on you in your day. But i am still watching and lurking and waiting, for the time that they next slip. I AM THE FIST THAT SHALL BRING YOU DOWN.
-The Mysterious Shadow
(this story has been adapted from the original I posted to /r/creepy)
if you are a cretive writer or intrepid journalist please contact email@example.com for submissions which we will respond to in 4-6 business years.